Friday, October 2, 2015

the one with all the excuses

Well hello, stranger.

This odd thing happens to me when I haven't been writing--I am completely bombarded with ideas I want to write about first. So much so, that I will continue to put off writing because I don't know where to begin. And the ridiculous problem snowballs.

In my mind, I've written 27.5 posts since May. (Just a little factoid about me: I also do this with emails and text messages. I respond in my head and forget, sometimes for days or even weeks, that I never actually responded. It's the most pitiful thing. I'm so sorry for my victims.)

Once I get over my mind games and actually sit down to write, I enter the next stage: remorse. I always feel I should apologize when I go MIA from writing. I'm not sure why. I mean, to whom would I be apologizing? I'm quite sure no one was offended by my blogging absence. But excuse-making is always the first thing that comes to mind when I sit down to write again--as if I must tell you why, exactly, I've gone missing.You'll never guess.

Busyness. Life changed a little and my writing habit (and time) went with it! There. That's my excuse. Let's move on...

Actually. Let's hover here for a moment.

I went back to teaching. For those who aren't around me daily, you're probably wondering what happened since that "life-changing" decision when I left teaching to stay home. Remember that post? If I'm being honest, I worry quite often that people question my sincerity. Why would I leave in such a "this-is-what-I-have-to-do" way only to return a year later? It was, for sure, a huge moment for me. What I did not realize (or acknowledge) at the time was that it was a moment. Just a moment. One very important moment, but still just one moment in a lifetime of them. I now see it was the beginning of a paradigm shift. I learned SO MUCH last year... mostly concerning my identity. I learned more about who I am supposed to be as a Christ-follower, as a wife, as a mom (in that order, in fact) and even as a teacher. I'm still learning. And truly understanding that God's molding is a continual process.

Just to clarify, I went back part-time. I was approached with the idea last spring and got to just watch it unfold for a few months having no clue if it would ever be a thing. And then it happened. And it is BEAUTIFUL. I feel spoiled. I have the best of both worlds and wish everyone could work this way. Especially teachers. But I do know, without any doubt in my mind, that I would not be able to take the approach I have with my job if it had not been for taking off last year. My purpose shifted in a huge way, and I'm not really even sure how or when it happened. But I know His purpose is greater.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth." Ephesians 1:3-10